I was at the bar last night dancing, puking in a trash can, and ordering another drink all at the same time. Have I lost my dignity?
haha no as long as you did hook up with anybody after that.
... oops
Party priorities: alcohol > girls > music > cups > decorations
we fucked while he was on the clock. He didnt even take off his bullet proof vest. Dont tell me thats not bad ass.
We stayed in and smoked weed and watched Dreamgirls. We made each other's vaginal lips sing the songs. Mine was Beyonce, hers was Jamie Foxx. I think this is one of those times you're jealous you're not an awesome lesbian.
Its like I instantly had a mental image of me in my mugshot.
guy in front of me at the pharmacy just asked the pharmacist for 2 Plan B's and replied with, "If your wondering, then yes I did have a threesome. It was amazing".
The guy who was The Count on Sesame Street died this week too. Therefore, you should take multiple shots, count them, & go "ahh aaahh aaaahhh" after each one. I expect video...
Mehhh. I just tried to type 'extremely', and it auto corrected to 'creek rot'. IT KNOWS WHAT I LOOK LIKE
Okay, new plan. Get drunk, eat breadsticks. It's going to be great.
i am craving dick and cupcakes
So anyway, I'm just floating along life with my vibrator and low expectations.
i feel like doing his laundry was not included in the job description when we became fuck buddies.
dont go in the freezer to fetch your weed. my vibrator may or may not be in there. not sayin, just sayin
I just turned down an invite to sit on a face. IDK who I am.
What? Are you sick?
I just sent a Slack that autocorrected tomorrow to gonorrhoea. Please note that Slack autocorrect isn’t very good.
Randomize
