BLOW JOB GIRL IS IN WALMART
Some people actually refer to her as Kaitlyn you know.
At some point I made a semi-conscious decision that i was okay with sleeping in my own vomit.
There's a Cowboys game and a Rangers game on at the same time...talk about Sophie's choice
Just threw up in airport security. Happy holidays.
If you ever find a dick that big chop it off and bring it to me.
Dude I walked in to my house just to be handed a bottle of vodka by my sister. She then said i had 15 minutes to finish it. Moving into my parents place is the best choice I have made this year.
Well he can play the xylophone with his erect cock... So he's got that going for him
The guy who just got ate on True Blood had the same balls as you.
We play this game where we catch up on what we missed over five years of not talking to eachother, then we have sex like nothing ever happened.
He drunkenly stumbled over to me and told me my "crotch looks spectacular tonight"..... i think this could work
Omphalophobia is a real thing. don't ever fucking touch my belly button again dude
the best part of christmas was when my mom opened the handcuffs that were supposed to be for jen. Surprisingly, not the most awkward situation of the day.
I've had more lap dances than hrs of sleep since Thursday, this is why you're planning all three of my bachelor parties
I just don’t understand what sort of USPS worker wants to take my unitard and sex toys.
I woke up under a house in Key West
Randomize
