How does, "Im sorry I was such an intoxicated bitch, I didn't mean anything I said" sound as an apology.
I should have some sort of frequent buyer card or something. I just bought my third bottle of Captain this week. It's Wednesday.
The camp director doesn't care if we drink and i'm running the rifle range. Someone is going to get sued.
i could totally date him if i was just drunk the whole relationship
Couple in the hotel room next to me keep fucking. When I hear her get close I call the room wait for them to stop and hang up. If I'm not getting any tonight then no one should.
i'm in that phase where i'll swallow anything except food
I wanted to be mature but the vodka was resilient.
I'm thinking about slathering myself with peanut butter and going to the dog park. What's the worst that could happen?
You know it's been awhile when the imagery of fucking AT A DENNY'S gets me really turned on.
So what's going on?
We hit boys town to get stupid. I mean invading Iraq stupid.
I think the lady at jack in the box started crying when we put in our order.
if becoming an adult is chugging a bottle of wine in your bed and crying about your stresses while your dog watches you, sign me up
I want you more than I want a burrito.
I'm not as filling.
If you had been home 20 minutes ago, you probably would've caught me masturbating, so it might be for the best.
Im not as flexible as I once was, but I still managed to get eaten out in the front seat of a hummer behind keddies.
Randomize
