the roller ball on my blackberry is the closest i've come to touching a clit in 2 years.
you told me heaven would be the 3 of us at Moe's forever and every hot girl that walked in would ask us to play stone face
i had to do the walk of shame dressed as a leprechaun. I have never been more proud of my irish roots.
On the quad today: An amish choir singing something weird, and not 30 feet away 3 girls tanning topless. Definition of diversity.
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Fucking him was like shopping for my first training bra.. Embarrassing yet extremely useful
you know it takes a lot for me to use utensils conservatively
My makeup looks extraordinary for nine tequila shots, running four blocks, falling asleep with my face in the toilet, and doing the walk of shame across campus in the rain. And to think I'm single.
I needed that adderall to break my tradition of passing out at the bar on Sundays
My black heart of coal cannot compete with your boiling crock pot of teddy bears, rainbows, 90s music, and the good candy you get from rich people on Halloween.
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He keeps asking the karaoke guy to play let it go from frozen so he can sing it in a falsetto
i feel like if we ever had babies together they would just be drunk all the time
Did my extra credit for a class I badly need to pass at the bar of Friday's.. kind of sum's up my college career. Got a 90 though.
That song just makes me wanna take off my top and shake my titties all around the club.
Nothing says girls night like wine cheese and pregnancy tests 😂
Ugh hungover at a laundromat is a terrible feeling. For some reason I keep getting sucked into staring at the clothes spinning around and around and it makes me want to profusely projectile vomit everywhere
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