Just got a blowjob to the theme of Bohemian Rhapsody as the sun was rising. I should just kill myself because ill never top this moment.
we've progressed from teabagging to lighting eachothers asses on fire. this cannot be a good path.
If your pregnant with his baby maybe we can start getting weed for free.
Just threw up in my seat during the national anthem. Probably not good.
We've done the math and the dogs tails are wagging at a rate of 3000 wags per hour. Stoned.
The walls are thin & apartments are narrow so all the bedrooms are next to each other. Our complex could compete in synchronized orgasms.
I'm sitting on the toilet just to avoid my bosses look of disapproval
Does this mean I don't have to apologize for launching about 20 bead necklaces at you from the balcony?
I know I come to this conclusion on a fairly regular basis but I really do need a babysitter
Just watched my first Christmas porn of the year. Def have the spirit now
Being responsible doesn't make memories.
Just spent the morning washing Bailey's and Guiness out of my clothes -_-
Tip of the day: Don't Amazon vibrators when your WHOLE FAMILY uses your prime account. There's dildo after dildo showing up in my "Related to Items You've Viewed" category on the home page.
Oral stamina is what keeps life exciting
I could be writing so much lesbian porn right now but noooooo!
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