So it's 11:24am. I've had sex twice and been laid 3 times. I love holidays!
I understand the whole sex thing but did you really get laid or is that synonymous for more alcohol?????
Honestly.
Don't say a word.
Just got yelled at by a priest...again.
:( I miss blowjobs.
This is probably the strangest conversational segue we've ever had.
Just saw the pics you left in my phone. thanks for reminding me that last night was not a dream.
Her boobs more than make up for all the flaws with her personality.
if i die of alcohol poisoning tonight, just know i kinda expected it and totally deserved it
I just got licked by a stripper, not so great anymore.
Dan marino should def buy this ambulance. But not this one. I'm gonna fuck this ambulance up
I stole a fireplace last night.
if i cared i wouldnt have woken you up by pouring a bottle of soy sauce on you.
is that what this stuff is?
Came so hard when I was riding him that I actually bit some of his chest hair off. He said I was the first girl ever to do THAT.
When I die I just want my headstone to my name, date of birth-death, and TEQUILA!!
Sorry I told all the other bridesmaids you were an asshole. I had had a few drinks and it's how I felt at the time.
I guess you know it was a good night when you find your ripped underwear in your pocket, and a nerf bullet falls out of your pant leg 😂😂
That’s all I need in life: vibrators, butt plugs, strawberry lube, and sour gummies
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