why did i save someone in my phone as corn dildo?
Lost is over, my longest committed relationship is coming to an end.
That glade motion activator thing keeps going off every time we pass the bong. I don't know what I'm getting high off right now.
Your dignity remains intact. He, on the other hand, is completely convinced he slept with your cat.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Great. My funeral dress now smells of smoke and disappointing sex.
eat the baked goods on the counter at your own risk... i made them while i was angry and drunk so they most likely have pubes in them
My dick hurts from so many people grabbing it last night. We're not going back to that club
40s are totally the cure
I mean jail does seem alright, all the free broth you can eat.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I gave him a BJ and he left. Coincidentally that's the name of my memoir.
I'll take "things you shouldn't say to a guy you just met in a bar" for 100!
Had weird bad dreams about you last night. Please tell me you didn't google my real surname and that you don't go to a needle exchange.
I'm gonna tell the medical examiner that your cause of death was over-arousal.
I think the cop who arrested me yesterday is at my gym rn should I say hi
Yes please. My parents would fucking love him and I'd love fucking him. That's a win-win if I've ever seen one.
Randomize