i broke my thumb. i no longer have 2 opposable thumbs. i'm sub-human. i love vicodin.
I woke up and my panties were thumbtacked to his wall. Out of my reach.
I love the "adulterer" look on you. It's hot.
Its part of my fall instant classic line.
her orgasm sounded like a fucking walrus crying.
he wanted me to dress up like someone from lord of the rings. I dumped him.
its like playing clue every morning after we party. she did him in the kitchen with..oh god.
The twins are whispering in turkish together. I think I did something bad last night.
I don't want to hear about you making out with a high schooler. I just had the best sex of my life. My face and arms went numb in the middle of it.
I have grass duct taped all over my body
I flashed some kids doing a church car wash. I feel like I really improved the quality of their lives.
I've made a single handle of rum last like three weeks and my mom hasn't even acknowledged it.
This ice cream is 10x better than the sex I had yesterday
Do him. As soon as possible and as often as possible. That's what Oprah would say
Like I wasn't going to make out with the hot Australian sitting next to me at the Portland blazer game?
its times like this i wish i didnt have a penis
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