non applicator tampons are so hard to put in when your drunk. i fingered myself for 10 minutes and forgot what i was trying to do.
I want to give my boyfriend great head for his birthday...can i practice on you?
I use him for alcohol and he uses me for sex. This is the closest thing to love i could imagine
im youtubing treadmill accidents. this is what i do at 2:10am
Dear room mates I tried to shotgun pam in the kitchen. It is slippery. Please be careful. That is all. Love you.
I believe some people would call last night an orgy.
We looked at pictures of a Texas banjo contest from 2006 for a half hour and then were surprised by who won. That stoned.
Yeah I should probably start planning our first conversation instead of our first child.
Omg. I felt like a crazed animal last night. My lesbian instincts burned a hole in my panties.
I ended up naked with smirnoff caps on my nipples. Dignity is now a completely foreign concept to me.
Can you explain to me why there are fake boobs glued on my chest?
There is always the bar, but 2 30 on a Tuesday just screams alcoholism
Now in just stoned listening to my dads philosophical idea about public transit
Just introduced myself to a group of people and one dude said "You're Marc!? I've heard many a legend of you." I raised bottle of champagne, said cheers, and drank with them.
Yep, you're going to hell.
I take on this great possibility with a beer in one hand and the girl I'm gonna fuck later in the other
Randomize
