We were both sleeping and she woke up and just puked i feel so bad for everyone around us
Just discovered Kim Possible porn. Life is now complete.
I think i lit a firework with a joint. happy birthday, america?
Ok! I picked up an anti-celebratory bottle of champagne on the way to dinner for her going to rehab. That's how I feel about this...
He better not be in your backpack
I've been on this train for an hour and this women has been on the phone and all she's said is "guuurrrrrlllll, gurl, gurl." I may commit suicide.
I left my bra and a book at his place. He's a hot Scandinavian who is into physics and computers - had to step up my game.
There's a bus with a band full of dancing women in bras. I think I like it here.
You started crawling towards a moving train. Maybe you should take it easy next time
Wow I got tittyfucked by the American Dream
Excuse me while I take my birth control pill for today to prevent getting pregnant from hearing about your sex life
Would it be creepy if I masturbated with my face in the pillow he slept on last night? Cuz I'm pretty sure that's about to happen
I HAVE A TEST I'M SORRY YOUR UN SUCKED DICK ISN'T MY FIRST CONCERN
My life has come down to me literally sitting on an uncrustables trying to defrost it because I’m drunk alone and hungry.
He had been licking my nipple for like 5 minutes and it wouldn't get hard. He asked me to lick my own and when I did, instant hardness. I realized I'd rather have sex with myself then this guy ..
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