why didn't you poke me back
think i got pink eye from a stripper in vegas. showgirls did not prepare me adequately for this. be kind, 2010.
I'm pretty sure we've had sex a bunch more times than we've hugged. So hugs are weird when they happen.
just peed on my foot to get a spider off. that lazy.
Do you need a place to sleep? Cause I fucked in the guestroom a few weeks ago and never washed the sheets. But if you don't care neither do I.
im taking a nap outside. wake me up in an hour.
way to go to work and not wake me up. when you get home youre rubbing me with aloe and giving me a blowjob. no excuses
Also got home. Still stoned. Mom was up. We made a pizza and were writing a children's book. Sleep good.
I want to break up with him.....but he has a george forman grill...like I need that
Road trip to buy me a baby zebra..are you in or are you in?
So I had sex in a bulldozer lastnight now that's definitely a first...
Bring a bathing suit and your good liver.
My good liver is still at the dry cleaners. Will my backup liver suffice?
Maybe
For the first time in my 26 years of life, I'm washing jizz out of my ponytail.... High five yourself later.
i just want a position where we can lock up like some sort of sexual megatron and go the whole night that way
I have shit my pants twice this week. #adulthood
I shaved my asshole for this. That's real dedication.
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