I found him crying and drunk, in my closet holding a picture of Tyler Perry. He managed to say"he's just so many people"
Just grabbed my laptop and a beer to take a shit. Mom gave me a look of disgust. I miss college.
If him repeating sorry while thrusting isn't makeup sex than I don't know what else is
Ever have those mornings where you just can't wait to puke in the shower?
I though us hooking up in the field was your way of saying you were an outdoors person
I love my life sometimes. I do miss being an adult, from time to time, but a little vodka always changes my mind.
He's on the bus now and took off his Amish hat so just his long ginger beard is present. Goodbye, majestic Amish ginger. Go forth and represent your minority well.
Dude. Cvs sells sex toys. And my discount works on them. Game on.
In case you're wondering what eggs stolen from an elementary school's chicken coop taste like, delicious. Delicious is what they taste like.
Plus, I have my cousin, the dominatrix, to help me out if things get out of hand
There is nothing wrong with watching parks and rec all day then getting blackout drunk by night
Look, if this is a cop, just lemme know that Mike is ok. Fuckin all star game
Why did two squirrels just run out from behind the couch?
About that.
Dude, don't beat around the bush. We're fucked and you know it.
I don't remember anything from last night, but at track I found my thong next to the high jump pit... So it must has been decent
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