my family just sang happy birthday to baby jesus. no ones even drunk yet
i dont know if you remember blowing your vomity nose directly into my hand...yeah thanks for that
My mom assumed I was crying because he was leaving. Figured that was better than explaining my eye's sensitivity to semen..
Even my Russian and Serbian roommates think I drink to much.
He's stoned as shit, eating breakfast cereal and taking a dump. All while listening to dubstep. We may never understand him.
Im celebrating the fact that the one guy who has ever denied me has just come out of the closet
what's the appropriate greeting for someone whose bed you've had sex with someone else in?
I think the solution to your phobia is an open relationship with your dildo. about the same responsibility as a pet rock
Dude, on the way home the cab driver asked why you didn't bring a guy home and referred to you as "one night stand girl"
Send help, water and tortillas.
I went over to help her build a porch, but we decided that was too much work, so we just got high and watched Scooby Doo
When you say shenanigans does that mean I should bring birth control?
On the upside I'm hairless from the waist down. On the downside, I just chemically burned my labia
Thinking about wearing all black to the bar tonight since I'll be attending my liver's funeral.
I found a used condom and a hairbrush in my dryer this morning.
Hiring someone to do your laundry would be a good investment.
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