What started out as a threesome has become me sitting here watching them have sex... Can I get a ride home?
Mr. Last Night just informed me I told him to be very quiet when he left this morning and high-fived him as a goodnight kiss. Drunk me is slutty and manly.
I just saw a homeless man with a cat on a leash. reminded me of you.
the red, white, and blue power rangers were all also in the porn buisness, good bye childhood
his pick up line was "wanna get a pizza and fuck?"
did it work
that's not the point...
I never had a problem I couldn't slut my way out of.
We were squawking at each other for over an hour like chickens. Literally. Never touching the stuff again and never again showing my face at that Denny's.
The straight man in me wants to hit on her. But the gay man in me wants to compliment her on her awesome outfit.
Welp just pooped in a garbage can. Guess I'm not better than you at life in any aspect.
Made a holiday JibJab of all my fucks. How's your night?
I got back from work this morning after working the night shift to find an NFL player scaling the side of our apartment...from your window. He just took sneaking out to all new level. Care to explain?
I think that about sums it up, actually.
Oh my god there are animals here. There are actusal animals trying to get him. A giraffe is trying to get in. A giraffee is trying to get in. Is ridiculouss.
there is something very satisfying about getting tacos after hours of sex.
For someone who claims to be straight, she knows a hell of a lot about bi erasure, and one Hayley Kiyoko song too many
don't worry dude i have your phone, text me when youre gonna come get it
Randomize
