Last night my friend tried to make out with me in an olive garden. Ahahah
Nothing says 'I love you' like never ending salad and breadsticks
it feels like theres a golf ball between my legs. the sex was totally worth it tho.
Just took my morning after pill in the library
i can barely draw a stick figure let alone shave a heart into my pubes
All I had with a note saying that my shoes are in the ceiling and good luck.
i just declared my major based on how close the department building was to our apartment. laziness has been brought to a new level
Blood and glitter go together right?
Wanna skype?
Can your lips gently and pleasantly suck on my balls via skype? If not, then no.
The yoga party turned into an underwear party because we are all incompetent when it comes to tying bed sheets.
This has been a Party Success Story
I woke up to see that I had ripped my boxers into a loin cloth because we were watching last of the mohicans
I love how when they see that I'm upset their initial response is to offer me ecstasy
then this guy just runs in screaming, "cant you see my daughter pissed herself???!!!" and that was the start of my 2016.
Well let me fuck you while I make potatoes. It's every girls dream
we played his NES Classic. Turns out there is a warp zone to my vagina.
I shamewalked barefoot this morning and the Dos Equis delivery guy judged the shit out of me.
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