You know you want to come over later
1:27a: Um no
1:45a: Maybe
2:05a: Probably
2:38a: I'm outside, let me in
dinner at cheesecake factory: $40. drinks at yard house: $50. having sex in the VG parking lot while people are staring at you awkwardly: priceless. Goodnight.
she keeps The Day After Pill in her bra... there is a God.
I just turned in a 4 page paper spelling absolute as "absolut" every single time. I'm an alcoholic
I'm eating tomato paste and drinking banana juice that is expired. Can we please get groceries tonight?
To put it in a frame of reference with which you're familiar, it was like making out with a golden retriever.
Because once my penis is in motion, it stays in motion unless another force acts upon it.
I just remember going to take a piss and looking down on the floor and thinking "that looks comfortable" and then I was out.
Still breathing?
Still breathing , but quite out of it. I think I hallucinated like 20 action sequences.
What.
He has no idea he's waking up in slut palace tomorrow morning
My roommates don't agree with the whole tv in the bathroom idea. Fucking barbarians.
I balled in the shower for 20 minutes, rolled up to the meeting late looking like a gremlin, and my one night stand was standing there in a suit
are you still up? I want to use you for sexual things. you have 35 minutes to respond to this offer.
I passed out while searching "symptoms of narcolepsy"...
I wish i didn't black out tuesday so i could have cherished our moment together
Throwing up together is NOT a cherishable moment...
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