it sucked. he totally couldn't get it up. blamed it on never having cheated b4. Couldn't stop laughing. fuck.
I look like a poor person in the cast of Gay Oliver.
i just found a cheeto on my floor and ate it. i might still be drunk.
I'm not saying we can't have sex tonight, I'm just saying we have to work it around Lost.
Her breakfeast in bed consisted of half a pop tart that I didn't want, and water that I slipped birth control into... Who says chivalry is dead?
Is "blowjob enthusiast" a bad costume?
Dude I'm looking through my old high school year book and I circled every girl I fucked.. what was wrong with me.
Thou shall not celebrate other people's birthdays as if they were thy own
For gods sake, I only took one. With two nyquils. What a happy world its been today. Fulfill your obligations and then its marvelouso.
But yeah, that is officially the new "I just came" picture
Like he and the nurses kept being so persistent with it and I just wanted to run out of there in my backless gown and yell FUCK OFF BITCHES IM OUT
I'm supposed to nail the old lady at 1:30 so I'll see you at 1:35ish.
I woke up in a stranger's bed wearing nothing but santa socks.
Would seriously like to slash his tires but then I feel like I'd have to deal with him longer.
Cover for me. Stopped at Chris’ for a quickie. Broke a high heel and there’s jizz all over my black dress. Fuck pornstars for making workday sex look easy
Randomize
