I am officially superior to you. I said "Go Go Gadget Dick" before I fucked her. I dare you to beat that.
I'm at a Rock of Love themed party. New high? New low? I can't tell.
Wait. Scratch that. It's not themed. These girls are just sluts.
Fell asleep in bio again. Sometimes i feel like college is just one really expensive nap.
I just wanted to yell " i am not a shake weight!!"
So here i am dipping ice cream in my vodka and watching the bad girls club on demand. This is not ok
Apparently you can legally be topless in Boulder, CO. Get on it.
Nothing gets you judged faster than having cum in your hair at the gas station.
Because I was drunk or stoned for 4 days. I either made terrible decisions or none at all.
I just remember lots of butts and something about ranch dressing.
I am eating a king sized snickers in the strip club. Good morning.
I think I must have activated my bat signal.... All three of my FWBs contacted me today!
I swear if you help me with this I will eat you out and buy you all the Taco Bell you want.
excused from jury duty. THAT hungover...
I could not add him. He gets 5 likes on Instagram.
I can’t believe the first text I’m sending you from this phone was about how I just got fingered in a smart car on tin can hill
Randomize
