Sometimes I wonder if we could be friends if we lived closer.
i'm pretty sure the devil's penis is california-shaped
We've been fucking since Friday.... This is the most committed non-committed relationship I've ever been in
I think it might be brain cancer. Hangovers can't be this bad
..and it was like all of a sudden I could hear the sounds my brain was making
Well, he has like 3 girlfriends but I think I could be polygamist for that dick.
Cancel that soberness update. I just almost fell down in the security line
making an indian outfit so we can be pochohantas and john smith and fuck in the canoe on the night float
I just want you to know that I'm, like, 45% hard right now.
I was really hoping my 420 would involve a lot more weed and a lot less buttholes
REMEBER. We are young, horny, and poor. If someone wants to give us alcohol... TAKE. IT.
i stood outside in the bushes for thirty minutes. Do you know how many drunk guys pee in bushes at 2 am?
You sat down in the middle of the road and started crying. We told you "Get your ass up or we're leaving you here." You replied "They'll findddd meeeeee" and ran after us.
I may or may not have just had sex in the bed of a pick-up at a drive-in movie theater.
So! As of five minutes ago I've officially masturbated in every room in my apartment
Dude, I helped you move in yesterday...
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