Your vagina is a self cleaning oven.
Well I woke up with a note on me reading Dear Passed Out Girl, and ending with why I shouldn't drink so much. Damn Tequilla.
It's my diet secret . . . it's like slimfast but I call it cockfast instead.
This morning I learned I traded my sunglasses for a Big Lebowski sticker at the football game.
Being at this stripclub only reinforces how single I am. And I was *just* becoming okay with that.
The staples of my diet are Labatt Blue, Xanax, and brick cheese.
I should have never moved out...
i just had to pick up my 18 year old cousin from the police station for hosting a party, and i had to do this stoned wow
Locals got pissed I was talking to the barmaid. Tried to tell me that they keep all the good beer at "a Soho walkup" Google saved me
He sent me a selfie with his cat. He has found a way to my heart. And pants.
Stop calling him just to say, "my vagina misses you."
Should I tell him how he got the bruise on his ass or just enjoy his theories?
I'm talking to a corgi on tinder..wtf has my life come to
You can have my vag. Its useless without you.
It is like...the most transformative hard on I have ever had.
Sometimes I feel like my vagina has a photographic memory of his penis. It sucks that he got engaged....
Randomize
