i am watching brooke knows best right now and hulk is totally dating his daughter's look a like. it is gross and disturbing.
the most pressuring question is, why are you watching brooke knows best?.
Dan is more possessive of me than a Michael Jackson is of McCully Caulkin
was*
True, R.I.P.
i wish i had the videos of us pissing on him last night.
Of course she said it wasn't that good, I don't bring my A game to pity fuck the thrice divorced girl from work
I am a 5'4" ball of sexual frustration and vodka. It is that kind of night.
Dude. She came to my room in nothing but a trench coat. Took it off and said, "you like" in her Costa Rican accent. God I love college.
Some rando guy literally just put my shoes on and tied them for me because I'm drunk... Is this what it feels like to be a princess?
Is there like a dick file on me? Guys can't hold two dicks anymore?! Who are you people????
We cuddled after till the morning. Then he woke up sober... and straight.
Dude i'm still drunk and i'm feeding a raccoon cereal from my bedroom window
If anything I look like a soccor mom going out for her annual ladies night. Trying hard, but not quite in her twenty's anymore.
There's no sexy way to moan the name Ernest. Or Ernie. This relationship is fucked
Do you know how difficult it is to masturbate with Christmas carols stuck in your head?!
Its like your face is a pile of corn and I'm a chicken
...What??
So turns out my new assistant isn't really my assistant. The owner needed a title for his FWB so his wife wouldn't catch on. I got a three hundred a month credit limit boost on my corporate credit card instead.
Randomize
