I'd wear matching sweaters with you
I just crawled out of a second story window using a sheet and his clothes for a rope so he wouldn't wake up.
I am so glad I watched Macgyver as a kid.
he believed the zit on my nose was a piercing...until he tried to bite it. needless to say he didnt ask for my number
Who is John, and why is his named carved into our toilet?
then she said she was half-a-virgin and that she would appreciate it if i would finish what her old booty call started
How many times can I tell him that I wasn't expecting sex before he finally figures out that I'm just too lazy to shave?
I'm just saying. If this how my magic vagina shows it's magic then I don't want any
His dick is so big it could be an arm rest.
The funny part was that the cop pulled us over cause the park was closed, not because I had just come up from giving the guy a blowjob when the cop drove by.
I just told the joker that my vagina is the bat cave and he needs to infiltrate it.
That was a very uncomfortable conversation to have without pants on. But his mom was pretty cool about it.
He wouldn't stop calling me so I sent him a text saying "I'm dead. Dead. Leave me alone." And he replied with "so can I see you then?"
I'm about to smoke a joint alone, do you want to FaceTime and pretend you're smoking it too?
Although, she is an extremely cool person. She put the "buddy" in "fuck buddy." And I mean that in the most respectful way possible.
I think I'm more excited for Santa to come now that I made a drinking game out of it
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