Sry I called you an 8
that's the second time you've been mistaken as a prostitute. maybe life is trying to tell you something
its my fault though, i'm wearing tights
you're hiking in tights? you remind me of dennis quaid's fiance in the parent trap
I'm pretty sure there is a country song about this exact situation
Is drinking merlot and watching womens figure skating by myself gay?
Just wondering did you put mouse traps and brownies on my porch?
Pretty sure even her dog was surprised when I got that blow job.
I will never in my life forget you letting the cat lick your tongue
I walked into the bathroom of the hotel and she's in the bath tub with a guy she met a day ago. They were sharing a shrimp cocktail platter and shot gunning bud lights. Oh and it was noon.
He also ordered me a vibrator last week, so the flowers kind of balance it out
On the shuttle bus from the Casino the driver refused to take us to the strip club so you said "let me off this bus or ill puke on you".
I somehow turned head, shoulders, knees, and toes into a sobriety test
A check for $9 that I used to buy six boxes of Girl Scout cookies bounced. I think I've hit a new low.
Like the fear of satan was put into my heart when I saw him put that sandwich on the WOODEN BENCH
You need to be on (or possibly create) the international emoji committee to address all of these glaring oversights
On a scale of 1 to 10, with 1 being “good” and 10 being “banging a student’s father”, how bad is it that I’m banging a student’s father?
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