Dude, we have the same penis size. Best friends for life.
no matter how many times i close my eyes and hit ignore on my phone. i must remind myself shit i still have to see her at work
I fucking love fucking science majors-- she told me that she wanted to know if her gag reflex got better or worse with alcohol, and that her initial evidence had been inconclusive. So, next few weeks, yeah, gettin blown periodically. All I have to do is keep a log.
do you realize that she was the awkward lesbian in high school and now bangs more girls than probably both of us combined?!
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
They woke me up at 6am and made me drink a bottle pf champagne yelling "champagne breakfast!"
If you could come over after class and poke me with a stick to see if im still alive id really appreciate it
My drunk neighbor is arguing with a goose in his yard. This was the highlight of my day.
Are we really going to sext in Pokemon battle fashion?
Taking my underwear off at work was one of my better decisions this weekend
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You ask too many questions when I'm blowing you. You're like a dentist asking how my day has been during a cleaning.
I knew it was love when he told me he wants to see me have multiple orgasms in one night
*jedi mind trick* you want to go down on me
There is a wine bar at this airport that it is currently full of mid-40s women reading their Kindles. I'm attracted to all of them.
It's 11 A.M.
You know what, I think I will
Omg I just woke up. In the hallway outside my room. I know you had something to do with this
That awkward moment when you bring a guy back to your place then have to tell him you only have magnums.
Randomize