It's my fault I'm alone. My closest relationship is with my blackberry....thank god it vibrates.
someone just broke into my class and invited everyone to the bar ...now we're filling out a police report. awesome.
I think their strategy was based on people bein at a beach, seein a rainbow, and havin an orgasm at the same time.
She's cheated on every boyfriend she's ever had with the same guy. She's like a slutty yo-yo.
I feel like my uterus is decaying in my body
Its like the two hemispheres of my brain are in a death match but are two evenly matched for either side to win kinda drunk.
We're you guys there last night when everyone started chanting "Nacho Steph"? Someone picked me up, carried me to the nacho cheese and made me do a nacho cheese stand.
I thought you wanted to talk?
What part of "Lets have angry sex" means I want to talk?
I don't believe in coincidence. I believe in the stars aligning perfectly to sodomise me in public. Who ever said I was cynical?
That was awkward , having sex with her while her husband watched via Skype. I'm a porn star or a target. Idk
I don't know which I need first...a shower or a confessional.
I know he’s a bad decision but he's casual, his penis is amazing and his technique is on point.
No he can't come. I swear to gods he's "Why We Can't Have Nice Things" given physical form.
But I am still fully ok with my life choices as long as the consequences aren't onesies and pacifiers
He seemed genuinely disappointed when I told him I wasn't going to make out with him to Bring Me To Life by Evanescence so I feel like I've pinpointed the breaking point of this relationship
Randomize
