is it possible for your nipples to fall off? if so mine might. they hurt so bad...
your idea of a balenced meal is a microwave frozen burrito, a cup of ramen noodles, and a can of budlight. honestly tell me how your resolution is to lose weight,
Found my little brother jerking off with a condom. he said he was "practicing"
OMG its one we used last night
My roommate is on the phone with one of her friends trying to figure out how she threw up IN her pants. I'm not sure whether to burst out laughing or direct her towards Plan B.
He told me I just kept sending him the word sex and dollar signs.
Nothing like being buzzed at 10:20am off wine shots in Amish country
Operation: 12 Dick pics of Christmas was a sweeping success, thanks for asking!
A blind guy just told me that even he could see i was gay and encouraged me to chat up the girl behind that counter bc he thinks we'd make a cute couple. Are all Canadians this helpful?!
He was telling me about how he's leaving on his Mission next week... While we were having sex in the back of his car.
I don'y know if I should feel accomplished or disgusted. I just ate a dozen cookies all to myself. I'm leaning more towards accomplished.
It's times when I'm naked but also want to be platonically social that I miss you the most.
This whole Rob and Chyna drama is giving me trust issues. I'm about to text my ex and be like if you haven't already deleted my nudes, can you?
Got wasted in a little tiki hut by the beach yesterday. Woke up with a coconut and half of a mushroom burger in my purse. I also have a picture of our Romanian bartender's fingernails on my phone lol
Why do you always wake up with meat in your purse?
She told us she had powers and that eating tree bark cures the shits.
That Spanish guy who looks like Ben Affleck from that club we went to 3 weeks ago is still texting me.. He clearly doesn't remember what I look like.
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