Thank you blackberry messenger, for giving me a way to sext faster and more efficiently
I had a dream that our used condom started talking to me. I told me that I did an amazing job, and told me that it saved me. From aids.
I'm not liking this ratio of moving to blowjobs...
This is NOT the time to take our hits and go to Disney. Let me repeat that. NOT THE TIME FOR DISNEY ON ACID
Third base with a 7ft basketball player last night. Fingers like a champ. I call him Edward Penishands.
THIS IS WHY I WENT TO SCHOOL FOR TO BE A COSMETOLOGIST TO HELP MY EX BOYFRIENDS CURRENT GIRLFRIEND BE MILDLY ATTRACTIVE... Everything DOES happen for a reason
I just offered a cat a "drinky drinky" I'd say my night has started
So the next time I call you and say I'm going to my first strip club because it's christmas eve eve, and have work the next morning, I'd appreciate you stopping me
My apartment is also really close to an alcohol rehab in case I get out of hand
He said I taste like cake. Like funfetti. So I feel like if he doesn't come back for that he's just dumb
I stepped in puke last night then washed it off my shoe with beer. Is there a grace period to respect before wearing them to class?
Holy shit I'm 26! That took an embarrassingly long time to figure it out, I need to keep buyin weed from this kid
So is seeing the guy's penis that I'm talking to something you're into or nah?
Walking actually physically hurts. We should do it again some time.
Guy just walked in with a 40 and a Honda steering wheel. Where the fuck am I?
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