nothing tight i'm going to stuff myself with food and alchy
I'm tuning in to watch Heidi Montag crash and burn on the Miss Universe Pageant. Somebody call 911. and I'm not talking about the Sean Kingston song.
She asked the class if starwars was based on a true story...
the guy at the pet shop just had an eye seizure while looking at my chest
you poured 3 beers into an empty vase and then passed out, so i drank them for you. don't say i'm not a good friend.
dont touch anything in my room. If its phallus shaped, i can almost guarantee its been in my vagina.
If she wasn't my friend I'd think she was a huge slut
she called me a fuckfaceshitdick. not that's creative. it sounds like a crayola crayon, preferrably an orange-brown shade.
one of the cashiers from Kroger is eating at my kitchen table and nobody knows why.
Im in a bar and I just invented a scrabble drinking game. People are cheering. It's like the universe has aligned itself.
He upper decked the toilet, got himself lit on fire 6 times and lit 4 other people on fire in the course of 3 days.
he told me my vagina was like a beautiful piece of salami
Don't remember shit. It was only until I saw the glaze on my forearm that I knew you drove to get donuts last night. I also spent 20$ there apparently
So I was about the only one NOT pregaming or stoned at my aunt's funeral... Maybe thats why I'm the black sheep.
I came out, you were peeing on the car and when I asked why you said it deserved it because its a rental
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