this is the second time this week i got a blowjob from a crying girl.
Only in this snowstorm did have I realized the lengths I'll go to to get laid.
You can't say "they have anal bleaching for that" and then just hang up
When I said to shut up, I meant it. I'm sorry you have a bald spot now, but it was necessary.
I feel a five day drunk coming on.
I'm texting an actual stripper. A male stripper. I dont wanna talk about it yet
Is it weird that I noticed my lower half feels strange and then further realized it's bc I'm wearing underwear to bed for the first time in weeks..maybe months?
So I deleted all the text from my phone, was looking for my mom's coffee order and show the coffee guy the pic of me eating pussy.
it was just another one of those moments where you unfriendzone a friend you assumed to be gay
Just heard him in the middle stall. Sounded like someone emptied a toolbox into the toilet.
You got stoned and bought $300 worth of pudding. Again! Why do YOU think she left you?
We probably shouldn't have humped each other in a stairwell for an hour. that was probably my bad
I currently don't understand fingers.
how do you tell someone, in the most complimentary way possible, that they would make an excellent stripper?
Is it weird that I shop for lingerie by thinking if it will look good on both me and your floor?
No. Not at all.
Randomize
