He's marrying her, which means that she is his most important person in the world, so you gotta deal with it...okay?
I got date raped at Sigma Chi last night!
Dude, you never made it to Chi last night. You fell into a tree and passed out.
...So a 6 ft tall drag queen in heels I would kill for just told me I have a dunkable ass. I'm confused...but I'll take any compliment I can.
Friends are holding an intervention and have no idea this gatorade is half vodka. This is gonna be the best intervention ever.
I hate to tell you this, but your sister reeks of whore.
Dude someone is playing the piano in the other room while I shit and it's making it really peaceful
We're having the conversation about what happened last night, all we can come up with is that we came home, drank two litres of lemonade, I took one of her seizure pills and we fell asleep with sabrina the teenage witch on
I am sitting on the couch "eating" a frozen big bucket margarita with a spoon.
Still had my bottle opener ring on. Started to give him a hand job. LOL
He fucked me so hard I might have to go to the hospital for internal bleeding
Can I have him when you're done?
She called me her guardian angel after I picked her phone up from the river of pee coming from her front porch.
Well it's 2pm. Time for another game of "Who, What, Where". The game where you try to guess who this girl is, what happened last night, and where'd your shit go. I'm going for 1/3 today.
That's better than I've done so far.
definitely just forgot to put car in park in front of a police officer and ran into a bush.
This feeling I'm having... is it love or a combination of alcoholism and unprotected rough sex
i think ive been high everyday since ive met you
Randomize
