You are a beautiful, beautiful young lady. Your heart is made of tissue, blood and love. I will call you very soon, Princess Sophia.
got in a fight at the bar because some dude thought i was being sarcastic when i told him "sweet mustache". it really was a sweet mustache
So can I buy you a drink sometime?
Sure, but make it a double, I'm drinking for two these days.
dude 8 am is too early to start pregaming for new years eve
clearly you are not from wisconsin
Just walked in on my older brother getting a bj. He told the girl to "keep going" and then attempted to high five me
As a general rule, drunkenness and gymnastics do not mix.
im tired of her bring homeless men home when shes drunk. THEY ARE NOT FUCKING PETS!!!!
Listen I know you hate her for what she did but this is getting our of hand. Please please tell me where you hid her wedding dress.
I got laxative. And a toothbrush. Because who wants to buy just laxative on a Friday night?
Next time, dont ever let me talk to a guy drunk, especially if I have class with him the next day
Who do you have class with??
The guy that pulled down his pants in the middle of the dance floor to show me his tattoo
She tried deep frying a banana by placing one, unpeeled, into a toaster.
I am mentally ready for anal.
I HAD SEX WITH COLBY AND HIS FIVE YEAR PLAN IS TO STEAL A REALLY EXPENSIVE PAINTING AND ASKED ME IF ID BE INTO HELPING HIM AND I WOKE UP IN HIS BED TO A WOMANS TUBE TOP NEXT TO ME
I found a tomato seed inside my jeans. I did not eat tomatoes
eveytime i go to his house my cute clothes always get taken off what's the point of even wearing them there?
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