He tried to carry her to her room after she passed out, but when he picked her up she came back to, saw him, screamed rape and pulled out her vuvuzela app and blasting it like a rape whistle.
hes trying to draw the periodic table on his chest with a sharpie. i'm not sure how thats going to help him on his chem final, but he keeps shouting "this is how the pros do it"
There's nothing like sitting directly behind someone you fucked 5 years ago at church on Easter Sunday
Thou shall not celebrate other people's birthdays as if they were thy own
I texted him that I wanted to be more than fuck buddies so when I came over he gave me a punch card. He takes me I dinner every 10 fucks.
I invited you and you fucked me in the face with the penis of disappointment and shit.
According to you, you were with your "Eskimo bro for life" last night.
I faked an orgasm during phone sex last night. This relationship is starting to become real.
He is really real. Like I know where he works, have referenced him with mutual fb friends and I've seen his dick. He's real.
After sex he cried I didn't know what to do so I patted him on the back and went to the kitchen to make waffles
i only stock magnum condoms so if the guy i bring home doesn't fit in them he only gets to eat me out. no exceptions.
If my dick was big enough to fuck the eye of a hurricane, I would.
He suffocated between her tits, but she didn't notice because he still came.
I just bought a mini nerf gun so he could make a bowl out of it, I deserve the fuck buddy of the year award!
Dude I can't beleive you didn't wake up. I literally f'd her IN THE DISHWASHER. Btw I'm pretty sure I also kinda broke the dishwasher.
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