I was so drunk I accidentally put in two tampons.
I tried to talk you out of it. You were worried about alcohol being a blood thinner.
He just asked me if his big had a curved penis. Awkward? I think so.
A university police officer just hhigh fived me when i drunkenly stumbled into Aderhold. Fucking 5 o'clock somewhere.ITS IN CASABLANCA RIGHT NOW! TIME ZONES!
Hey they cleaned all the blood out of the elevator. Also could you pick up some nachos?
how did the keg end up in the top bunk?
Like. There is beer on the other side of that door and 6 yards in. If he's not back in 20 minutes to let me in, I am using this tree as a battering ram.
U offered to motor boat her and it somehow turned into u two going on a sunset cruise in Newport. At 3am.
You're only allowed to hookup with one freshman a semester. MAKE IT COUNT.
I call it a party but only because that sounds better than 8 people getting drunk around a pool.
I'm so tired I just poured monster in my coffee.
And it tastes incredible.
And I have chest pains.
We were having sex in the gardens when the grounds keeper walked up on us. He gave me a thumbs up and walked away
My ex is having a baby and I'm over here planning my dogs birthday celebration...
When is the party?
ayo
its like you know when i get waxed
I have no regard for my liver, you should know this.
You woke up at like 4 in the morning fell off your bunk bead, yelled at Nic for asking if you were ok, walked to the kitchen, pissed on the keg, and then looked at me and said "Still not worth it" then went back to bed.
Randomize
