We are walking down to the lake and then i dont know. Where did you sleep?
Places.
Plural? Please tell.
if she shaves her mustache, i'll let her give me head
Watching NYC prep. Doing a shot everytime one of these d-bags flips his hair. I give it 10 minutes before alcohol poisoning set in.
Most the numbers in my phone are mistakes. It's a virtual graveyard of people I should never pick up for.
stayed up until 6am doing my presentation on buddhist art and the practice of chanting. took shots. did drugs. the powerpoint now includes a sesame street style game (with chicken/puppy clip art), an xzibit music video (and quotes about section eight and eating steaks), and a reference to a german metal band (universe). this is going to be the best presentation ever
they found her hiding behind the couch trying to feed a cabbage patch doll a bottle of tequila. please tell me she's on birth control.
I'm hoping they send me home from work drunk.
Hypothetical Question: Would you take a cougar bullet for me?
It took me half an hour to realize I didnt know them
Sorry, I thought I responded to your question. My name is Jon, we kinda had a sleepover at your friends place in OC. Don't know if you remember me, you were "dick chugging" like there was no tomorrow last night.
Who's the easier target... Bandages on the knees, tramp stamp, or bra showing? Not in the mood to work for it tonight.
No I don't want to see you. You're the reason that I'm going to need a new liver by the time I'm 30.
We didn't have a place to have sex. So we timed the automatic car wash & spent $9 for 3 minutes and 45 secs of car sex.
I was afraid I was gonna get a URI, so I peed on his front porch.
I’m drunk and naked and looking for my charger - title of my autobiography.
Randomize
