dude facebook disabled my account because im registered under a false identity. now in order to get it back, i have to prove that it's really my name. i sent them an email and had to sign it "Cordially, Lloyd Pancakes"
I just woke up under a kitchen table with my sandals taped to my feet and a corona bottle taped to my hand..
Taljing aboutpenisrs w gerruly ska pops
vicodin is the reason why I believe in magic
He was from Iceland of course I didnt sleep with him, havent you seen Mighty Ducks 2???
YOU CAN RENT MIDGETS ON CRAIGS LIST
I told you not to ruin your birthday surprise!
I had to go to the front counter of the restaurant and ask for the key because I was "pretty sure my friend is passed out in the bathroom right now"
I'm pretty sure this all started when I found a vibrator in my mom's sock drawer and had my first orgasm when I was ten...
The only word I understood in that whole setence was semen.
i was wearing footie pjs. how could there be confusion as to who i hooked up with, thats not something you forget
And theres a reasonable expectation that if you're fighting over a pair of yoga pants on the ground at VS someones gonna videotape it
you have a wonderful penis attached to someone I'm having a lot of problems with right now
So it sounded like a midget was barfing IN our walls again this morning ...
Is it bad juju to glue mini budda to the bottom of a shot glass
My vagina just clenched in fear
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