I pretty much can't stop smiling when I talk to you. Even when you talk about disease and infectious diarrhea.
he just called me skinny, hes either trying to get laid, or i'm going to have to marry this man
I tried exercising today. I ended up masturbating to the Wii fit trainer.
I am going to be fat forever.
Had sex and ran 2.8 miles all before 7:30am. This is going to be a very productive Monday.
when you greet her, try not to lead with "this night will end with you on top of me". first impressions, bro.
She just causally held my limp dick in her hand the entire movie. Her parents were cuddling on the couch too..that brave!
Neat. I'm thinking about growing a handlebar muffstache. What are your thoughts on this?
But how do I turn off the feelings though?
Vodka.
Never have i felt more judged than when i was throwing up in front of a hello kitty shower curtain at 5 in the morn
The typical response to someone smacking their vodka soaked hand on your face is not to put your face in their crotch
You got this. You survived the RA last semester (granted you almost got arrested but still.)
He yelled "I'm Bruce Springsteen!" when he came. This is why I don't sleep with guys from Jersey.
I wrote a pretty good eulogy, too. Motherfucker pastor had no sense of comedic timing.
Do you know how close I got to throwing him over the edge of the canyon?
You were pretty conviced that my dog was a spanish child and kept trying to read him the news from your iphone app
Randomize
