Hey theres a creepy ass guy stalking our house.i would look alive geting in 2nite.
hey its robert, we just made out in the backyeard. i'm inside now and you should come to the bathroom and meet me.
i just threw up repeatedly on the entire entire walk down A1A to the pizza place....then on the way back slipped and fell in it
for halloween i should be pregnant. what is scarier than that?!
all i remeber is falling off a fence and banging him in the middle of the street, not sure which one gave me this cut
My Grampa even called her out for being a cock block at the bar...it was that serious
craigslist free llama. are you in or are you in?
what do i owe you?
$237.46 to be exact.
if im having that much fun on the weekend i better start remembering it.
Maybe he meant to say like I love fucking you? But just forgot the fucking part.. That's what I'm telling myself.
I left his apartment Bc I lost my id. Wandered 5 miles barefoot. Got lost in downtown la. My phone died so I asked for directions from a man at the gas station.. Turns out he was a bum. He led me back to the apartment AND he found my id.
It's like the whiskey god was watching over you
there's still three solo cups of your puke in my basement. so that needs to be solved at some point.
I just made kick ass drunk stir fry while taking care of three other drunk people and doing shots. I don't understand how that's not wife material
Walked into a bathroom stall to pop an addy for my three back-to-back finals today. Felt like Clark Kent walking into a phonebooth.
I have an interview tomorrow and listed you as a reference. If they call you, please don't tell them about the time I smuggled a Chalupa out of Taco Bell in my underwear.
Next time I will hook the Xbox before I get high I spent 30minuts thinking I was playing the Simpsons game when it was in reality a tv episode
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