Her tattoo has the intellectual profundity of snakes on a plane except you can't laugh.
Class is significantly more awkward when you know that your teacher knows what you look like with your legs behind your head... Just saying.
I really hope you aren't where I think you are. Dude she has a MUSTACHE. You need Jesus..
Man when i saw they were the only ones hard core grinding to the Cha Cha slide against the wall, I knew they were gonna have sex tonight.
Yeah we can't find him. He left a note saying he left and isn't that drunk with what appears to be an attempt at the quadratic formula for proof. He also wrote down his number and left his phone by the note
i can't understand anything he's saying. But he spells alcohol right everytime so i deciphered it.
I wonder how he feels knowing that he's the one who turned me gay
sometimes, you gotta take him by the hands like tails took sonic, and fly him into the bedroom.
Was asked out on a date tonight on Linked In. That creepy genius at apple that touched my butt one time in the back stairwell. I thinks it's fair to say I've hit rock bottom.
The last thing I remember is him yelling from across the room "WE FINISHED THE HANDLE!"
It was 11pm.
You can't talk like Dr. Evil to me five minutes after the greatest orgasm of my life.
After we hooked up he started to cry and called his mom and told her he wanted to marry me
Interesting. All i can really say is humanoid shaped doritos bags melting very slowly
He just told me I was beautiful, whilst I peed into a cup. If this isn't love I don't know what is.
that's the second time my extensive knowledge of taylor swift has gotten me laid
Randomize
