Goal for tonight: Make one last drunken mistake for the semester.
Beverly Hills, 90210. Cleveland Browns, 0.
you know its a sad night when you can actually see and hear sitcoms on at the bar
they hired a photographer to take a family portrait for grandmas bday gift. we just hired a male stripper. we are def the better grandkids.
nyquil sex gave me 6 orgasms so I support that
seriously who else gets carried home puking from a fucking mary kay party?
i distinctly remember leaping through the apartment to rescue the clam chowder burning in the kitchen
Your tequila is gone. I suggest you bring more home before you go out for dinner. Money is taped to mailbox.
The moment you ate chicken nuggets out of your purse you were my hero.
Where the hell did i get chicken nuggets from
Hey is there a picture of me in a trash can on your phone?
That was the night, like, my hair caught on fire...
i need to stop meeting underage girls and letting them into the bar. i mean yea its a surefire way to get laid without having to tell them I'm 26 but i feel like as a bouncer I'm focusing on all the wrong things
I mentioned the porn thing he mentioned a brother it all kinda just came together
I'm on a party bus with a stripper pole with middle aged women who have all started drinking
God bless your soul.
I need you to get the emergency bail money out if the stuffed panda and go to the police station tot bail me out. I should be there in 20 minutes.
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