I'll forget this but out at 4am with a lesbian model at lil waynes bday party for the record
47 days without vaginal penetration. Im pretty sure it's grown over.
Do you realize that if your cunt was a missing person it would be assumed dead?
So at what point while he was throwing up on the girl next to him did you think "yeah, im going to hit that"
I had a dream about a turtle sitting on top of a horse skull. I'm certain its a symbol for my dead sex life. Trust me.
I just feel like a girl who's never eaten a pb&j probably doesn't swallow
nothin like your phone freezing up and sending out old booty calls at 11am on a sunday. fml.
I just closed two deals on my laptop from my bathroom while smoking a bowl, like a bawssss. Working from home is my favorite.
All I know is that I woke up in a soccer players' dorm, and he said that I kept telling him my mouth was a "net for his balls" last night at the bar..
When I was drunk texting him about three ways he seemed more interested in just seeing me. And that's when I knew something was wrong with him
I just can't do Wednesdays sober anymore
I am so sorry for drunk texting you r kelly lyrics
We just had can't-look-you-in-the-eye sex and it was still surprisingly good
I guess I can check "drink alone in the dark" off my bucket list
I just gave my boss a blowjob. underneath his desk at work. that promotion is mine!
DRUNK COOKIES
Are you drunk or are the cookies drunk or are these cookies that get you drunk?
Yes
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