Can one do a walk of shame from one's own hotel? Considering I just barfed in a planter down town in from of a bunch of business men in suits on my way to a work breakfast on a Wednesday morning, I am gonna just go with yes.
I actually had to roll up my long sleeves to masturbate. I hate the winter
He came on my chin and called me cumbledore. i give up.
You mean 'full wolf form' wasn't a drunk text?
What was the name of the cook I had sex with at Famous Dave's?
I FUCKING SERVED PEOPLE AND POURDED JUGS AND GOT FREE BEEEEEEEERERTERRY
Kriste-san. Brian-sensai going to sleepy times acturry. Kriste-grasshopper will spend fun-fun times with Brian-sensai and glorious redbox movie tomorrow yes?
Most creative movie date proposition... ever.
I fell on my face, puked, and had to be rocked to sleep in a hammock. I'd say Europe is a success
Why did you fed-x me a peanut butter sandwich?
It seemed like the thing to do. There's popcorn on it too.
STOP smoking sooo much weed. Damn
I had a dream about that dude. It was the first time I had a dream about him since the tryst.
The tryst?
The hookup. I like using sophisticated words for my foolish decisions. Makes me retain some dignity.
You were cuddling with an eight iron and I was eating a fajita completely ignoring your presence.
He didn't get how "starting a flash flood in my thunderhole" was a sexy euphemism. Deal breaker.
drinks after work?
that question mark offends me.
My dog just ran downstairs with my vibrator in her mouth... during my dad's birthday dinner.
I’m sorry, some of us common-folk don’t have access to steady dick
Randomize
