party is dying down. we just wrote whore in the yard with gas. Photos to come.
so, not only did she give him head while i was asleep next to them, apparently, it was bad head...
Are you serious?
yeah... as often as she does that, you'd think she'd be good at it...
My eyes got the double whammy. Once with pepperspray from the riot the other with cum. Both of which i did nothing to deserve.
I'm so hungover that if we go to panera, I'll probably get a bread bowl to throw up in.
he ran through my sliding door
in his defense that door gets complicated after 10 beers
Only once have I found myself in the condom aisle holding a bundt cake...
Just accidentally flashed my junk to the lady helping me try on suits, it was cold in there, I don't think she was impressed.
Dude, I work in two hours. Unless you can find Chris Hemsworth and convince him to have a three-way with us, I'm not getting out of bed.
the bartender knew what was up when i took a sip of my drink, gagged and asked her to water down my water
NO. FUCK YOU. I HOPE SOMEONE REPLACES YOUR LUBE WITH HOT SAUCE.
I'm 22 and I'm drinking hawaiian punch from a sippy cup. Everything is right in the world.
I sent her a video on Snapchat of me cumming, with a Father's Day snap filter that said "#1 Dad".
In other news, my ex fuck buddy is a surprisingly good wingman.
You stumbled into the hotel room escorted by security and then went into the bathroom sat by the toilet, threw up for hours while slamming your head on the wall and whimpering "why" over and over.. I went to bed
"hahahaha" is not a sufficient reply when I tell you my mother laughed at a joke about me giving blowjobs.
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