you texted me last night and told me you couldn't find the toilet.
That explains the puddle of pee in my closet.
I still have your handprint on my ass. You're not allowed to ignore me yet.
Once again there IS no outside bathroom. Never has been, that is the balcony
i just drank the rest of the vodka . Btw why did we put candy corn in it?
You left your underwear on the fireplace
You know its been a rough night when for a large portion of the evening you have accepted your death
Jacked up my neck and shoulder hanging on for dear life while I rode him like a boss. Plus my house smells like broccoli, bad! How's YOUR morning?
Who has the safety vest from this past weekend Additionally, who has the dancemaster glove?
He pulled out a coupon for $2.50 off the crab cakes and expected us to share that as a meal. Is that the kind of person you really see me dating?
You are free to stop by. I promise to keep my penis in my leather pants
My moms new boyfriend looks like Stu Pickles if he was in a biker gang. He gave me free coke though, so come party?
How good was the sex? She sent me a fruit basket the next day.
I feel like everything in my life has been preparing me for my future sex robot experience
You’re so close!!!
I can't imagine a friend I would rather lose my virginity to in a threesome.
I can’t shake the image of her gigantic black unibrow. It’s like I got a blowie from Eugene Levy
Randomize
