Gettin pulled over, can you watch my dog and pay the bils for a while?
I'm going to show my kids 2 girls 1 cup just to scare them away from porn
You took a fire extinguisher off the wall in the hallway to play Ghostbusters.
No, this time she was diabetic. I think I fucked her into diabetic shock.
So I bought some random chick a shot she puked in her hands then I watched her make out with my roommate
He went 'unicorn hunting' and lost a fight with a fence. That's how he ended up in the ER.
it took us a while to figure out sex on a tire swing, buuuuuuuut MISSION ACCOMPLISHED
You know, having a conversation evolve from attractive men to roommate orgies would be weird with anyone else, but you get me.
You tried to wave to Meg on Family Guy and got upset because she wasn't waving back
It was just a matte of pubes and mustard.
Girl, he's like catnip for my pussy.
I'm bringing home frosties. I need to talk about butt stuff.
Also I just took the BEST ass selfie of my adult life.... it's gonna be a good day haha
Drunk and bowling. Only good things can come of this
I hear my roommate snoring and I feel bad for his girlfriend but then I hear them having sex and I guess it all works out in the end.
Randomize
