Free body shot off of Sarah. Expires never.
I felt like a body pillow being humped by a twelve year old.
When they say "all expenses paid" does that include bail?
he just gave me a love letter in polish. he thinks i speak polish. I DONT SPEAK POLISH
Well, that now makes it the 4th girlfriend in a row to cheat on me. I don't even care anymore...I'll date a prostitute and not even worry.
I've been up for almost three hours and it took me until JUST NOW to figure out that what I'm tasting isn't blood, just the minerals in the water. Fuck hangovers, man.
She's started this new thing where whenever she drives by random couples talking alone outside she yells "break up! this is your sign!"
Let's fuck under the stars. And by under the stars I mean in my bed underneath my glow in the dark star stickers.
Yeah I mean I think I need to stop living off of snacks and alcohol
I accidentally left my shirt at my booty calls house. He washed it & hung it up for me in his closet. I can't decide if that's sweet or creepy
Do u have any idea how hard it is to masturbate in a CVS bathroom when your name is being called over the speakers to pick up a prescription for painkillers?
I just traded sex to frolic with a box of husky puppies. Is this rock bottom?
Everyone is all excited about the iPhone 7 being water resistant and I'm only concerned with whether or not it can be destroyed by salsa or cum
He literally poured blue Gatorade on me after we had sex and said "good game" all over my white sheets
I collect Covid conspiracy theories like I collect Pokemon.
Randomize
