I just got home. Seriously all I remember is taking out my contacts and putting your balls in my mouth.
They refer to his house as "the abortion clinic". Cant wait.
The doctor said 'youre the 2nd youngest person that ive seen with this condition. Thats probably not the silver medal you were looking for today.'
Yep we found him face down in my sister's bathroom begging for blowjobs without mustard
I can't believe I had to convince you to not drink butter.
I was pretending that it wasn't happening. Until we had to roll down the windows as she was vomiting apologies into a Target bag.
its friday night, im aone in my apartment and eating 2 year expired canned fruit, naked. i'm not single or anything..
OMG HIS EYES ARE POOLS OF SEX. HOT SEX.
no dont worry i changed into my costume in the hospital bathroom
In his defense he just bought a bong like a week ago so he's still in that honeymoon phase.
He came over apologized for his lack of sexual skills. Cleaned my kitchen cooked me dinner. And gave me another one minute stand. I think im okay with this
Is it too early in the day to ask a nipple-related question?
saw a family tailgating a graduation with hard liquor... i'm assuming yours?
are you shitting me? they told me they'd at least wait until 10am
Irony: drinking your pre workout supplement out of the cup your Krispy Kreme doughnut holes came in.
I have cats now. Five of them.
Have you considered starting a global domination firm?
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