if your dad confronts the dude you fucked about the background check he did on him, NOT GONNA GET A CALL BACK
Ah shit... I sleep-ate chocolate pudding again.
No, I'm in the bathroom trying to scrub off the 16 tally marks on my wrist so its not so obviously to the world that I puked on a couch last night.
We have sex, then we talk about foreign policy. Its a win-win.
Puking green right now......... jaimison mcflurry very bad idea
That's the girl I met who was peeing on the driveway with me. We bonded
Boobs are out for the taking
mom had to come pick me up from the hotel. I crawled to her car. She told me the entire way home if I puked in it I was going to lick it up. Like high school all over again...
You started sleep walking, went to my closet, tried to pee on my boots, and when I asked you what you were doing you said "I'm talking to these people about jobs"
I'll bring your "congrats on finally banging" cookies tomorrow, I'm exhausted.
It's a good thing you're straight. You'd make a horrible lesbian.
I cant believe you made me read bad furry sexts
You yelled "Shame!" like you were that bitch from Game of Thrones and then hit my balls full force with your sports bra
Fuck my life... Im so horny Im gonna take it out on this sandwich
It's very finicky. Like baking. or BDSM.
Randomize
