The shirt is mine, the pants are mine, the bra not so much
The more I sober up, the more sick I am/realize how weird dancing around a wine bottle was
it wouldnt have been so bad but she still had the cowboy hat on when my mom walked in
I puked all over his apartment, then slept with the skinniest girl here. Which isn't saying much in Ohio.
she gave me one of those friendship bracelets and said as long as I wore it it was like an all-access pass to her vagina
I couldn't get past the raccoon on my porch so i slept on my lawn.
She's just so happy...and so naked.
I had 5 long islands and 2 alien brain hemorrhages…I am entirely certain that the "power hour to finish the night" idea was just too much.
I don't know if it has occurred to you yet, but you are dating a nymphomaniac, and your work schedule is an interference of my needs being fulfilled. Get home now.
Also, just had a student offer to sell me Xanax. Want some? Just for like a rainy day. Or our memorial day shitshow. Or just another Wednesday night.
I'm going to need a Jurassic park sized pooper scooper to deal with all this shit last night caused.
Let's get matching tattoos, something that resembles our friendship
A tequila worm?
It's ok, I did squats with my bottle of wine before I opened it. That counts as the gym since I won't be getting there haha
Just got offered cocaine at ihop. Stay classy America.
Dad literally changed the channel from an episode of Big Bang Theory to another episode of Big Bang Theory. That's why I hate this show.
Randomize
