RAWRRRR IMA PURPLE DINO
dude i'm sitting right next to you.. stop texting me
i sleep in a fine layer of vodka and semen. i don't know that that would appropriate for a pajama rally.
You're the only chick there. That's not an orgy, that's called a gang bang...
Every time I remember you're bi, the world gets a little brighter.
no seriously, she's legit pissed i'm late to lunch because i was watching full house. there's obviously no future here.
Dude she gave you head while I was in the closet, we've passed the "awkward" phase.
She asked the woman in the drive through to cover everything she ordered in mayonnaise, including here chilli cheese fries. Didn't happen. Then she started swerving at the car next to us screaming, asking if they had mayonnaise.
my boss just offered me his leftover salvia im not sure if it was a trick question
I think I have to break up with him. I just cried, not moaned, screamed, etc, cried, with tears of sadness and disappointment when I came.
How is it that I, the only one that didn't drink last night, was the only one puking out the car window?
You're always so late and I'm always so drunk.
Officially the best daughter ever. I just restocked my parents alcohol that I stole last night AND ADDED TO IT
You fist bumped my dick last night saying good game. That you'll be back for the 2nd game...
She’s the kind of asshole whose face I want to put on a T-shirt just so I can go outside and burn it.
You went on the date? His pickup line was I swear I'm not a serial killer and you went on the date???
Randomize
