somehow, due in part to drug cocktail and alchl prior to meeting, i blacked out, got home, made total mess of kitchen, broke shower, and made 17 hard boiled eggs
I'm done trying to be a vegetarian. My vagina smells like hummus.
dipping my christmas cookies in kaluha. santa would be proud.
I have sucked so much dick this week I think I am going to start sweating semen
he mailed me a thank you note for the blowjob.
NBC reported that a group almost has enough signatures to submit pole dancing as an Olympic sport in 2016...
God I fucking love America.
I'm gonna win the lottery and buy chinchillas and tattoos for everyone
You fucked everything up-can't pass a cleared kitchen table without getting hard
There are 18k people at the game and I'm next to the one guy who pulls his underwear down to his ankles to piss.
Hey do you know who I showed my dick to at the bar last night?
its the kind of night you break several limbs and say you were lucky
Yeah play it cool maybe put in a kissy face though let him know you're giving an invitation for his dick
Also...I'm semi-dating the drug dealer that took me to bible study
Side note, i did some manscaping and now my farts sound way different
Dude... I had a dream that I was getting high for the first time. I got to experience my weedginity again. It was glorious.
Randomize
