Needless to say, wine tasting turned into wine chugging
i just googled "alcohol delivery service". im combating drunk driving one lazy act a time.
I just got a facebook invite to join a group called "bring back the old franzia spout." i never want our generation to grow up.
Now there are nude photos of that bangin hot Russian spy chick...this is officially the best scandal ever.
I have a feeling that watching gay porn with you was the reason I was dancing in a hurricane of floating dicks in my dream last night.
In the middle of pouring my wine you asked me if I could hear your vibrator from my room.
When did it seem like a good idea to do pull ups off the balcony? After beer 5 or shot 7?
By midnight I was dipping doritos in frosting...that's how my simmer break diet is going.
When one is stoned and browsing online dating profiles all men sound like serial killers.
Tom is laying in a bathtub filled with ice pretending to be a polar bear.
Regardless of your intentions, deep throating a Twinkie is NOT sexy. You owe that poor cashier an apology the next time you pump gas.
There is a video recording of my birth. I have seen it. It is terrifying.
I thought 5 times was beyond my capabilities but her tongue was like a penis defibrillator. Clear!
His dick is curly. It's adorable.
just used my $120 dollar stats book for the first time to kill an ant... good thing i stole it
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