I'll pay for our taxi if you let me makeout with the drummer and we don't leave RIGHT when the bassist does.
don't wear any deodorant. we have to do everything we can to sabotage this wedding
this girl with a french braid down the center of her head won't stop talking about the benefits of the free market. i'm hungover, bloated and haven't slept for 4 days. shut up french braid girl, shut up.
It ended with me crying and eating pizza in my closet.
Just proof I should've brought the airhorn with me to class.
That would warm my breasts.
In this context breast is a metaphor for soul.
pretty sure I just got a "sorry I have a new boyfriend" blow job. Confused, but totally ok with it.
I SMOKED SO MUCH I SKIPPED A DAY.
I want my birthday to be like the hunger games where all the contenders for my vaj have to fight each other off to win the prize
Can I have the second place winner?
So to add to headbutting the microwave while waiting for my hot pockets to cook. I apparently told both bartenders earlier in the night I was going to fuck them both. I hate black out drunk me..
Note to self don't stop having sex during an earthquake! I call it a 6.1 orgasm!
Now all I want to do is stay up, drink wine, and look at dragons.
He stumbled out of their hotel room and yelled, "I'M ON A STATEWIDE TOUR. I'VE BEEN IN KENTUCKY AND OKLAHOMA."
It went from a "chill game of beer pong" to "absinthe body shots and a tits parade" in literally two minutes.
Told you inviting her was a good idea.
Pillow talk was a high five, this morning she made dinosaur muffins for the house. I love chapel hill
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