Holy cold harsh reality of sobriety batman
Lets get really high and only speak Spanish to each other again tonight
his blanket is still in the back seat of my car, its like a constant reminder of his small penis
He said he was trying to live vicariously through me. I didn't have the heart to tell him that meant he was vicariously fucking his best friend.
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There is soup leaking out of my nose nothing in life has prepared me for this moment
i'm gonna fuck his crew, i'm gonna wax my asshole. i'm gonna make them all cry tears of sex joy then move to colorado.
She tried to leave the threesome and I heard you yell "Hey! We don't quit at halftime!"
Court can wait. right now you and your magic penis need to be here satisfying me.
And, through a series of unfortunate events, I am at my grandmothers birthday party in a short dress and no underwear
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I'm a college student and my dad gets more ass than I do..... do you see a problem here?
no, I didn't go in the end. Too hungover and hot, plus Star Wars is on so obviously I'm having a naked day.
I'm running on 2 hours of sleep. Just spent 6 minutes staring at the back of my hand thinking: "I don't really know this that well"
Last night you snap chatted some chick a pic of bottle service with the caption "send tits"
Giiirrrllll. Back to back snaps of dicks. Two different guys sent me their dick at the same time. This is totally what our founding fathers meant with life, liberty, and the pursuit of happiness.
Did you at least know who's jizz it was?
That is questionable.
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