Wow that girl who lives a couple houses down is going out wearing butterfly wings a skirt and fishnets
It was then that he suggested we all nibble ears. A nibble circle.
Almost just got kicked out of a bar because the locals spilled beer everywhere when we taught them to shotgun.
I walked from the hotel to the club with a pint of tequila in my boot. Poured some in a homeless woman's mouth when she asked for change. I've hit rock bottom.
I accidentally got a lemon stuck in your bong. I was trying to make it taste good. Sorry
Look. I've got things to do today.. Will you hurry up and come over so I can give you some head and get my day started already
Outside
I don't know, I kept pretending that I was riding an elephant during. It was actually really fun, but you can't tell him that!
You are the tramp this city needs, but not the one it deserves.
Yes, you can go into Petsmart drunk but the cats awaiting adoption don't appreciate the soft pretzels squeezed through their cages.
He told me he needed "space" but then goes and likes my insta of panacakes.. Done.
New holiday tradition. Eat all the Xanax in the am, then wake up later after festivities and eat all the leftovers
His name isnt in my phone as “Satan’s spawn” for no reason. #devildick
From now on I'd like to be known as Rampage.
He’s basically a sexual superhero. A mild mannered marketing intern by day, but a very horny 22 year old with pornstar stamina at nights!
I got there and she was on her balcony drinking out of a bottle of vodka and smoking a cigar.
Randomize
