How can she be afraid to give you a blowjob? It's not like your penis is going to turn on her and eat her.
I think i just called up my ex and talked to her for 20 minutes about frogs and how happy i am to be wearing shorts
SOME GIRL GOT MAGGOTS IN HER COOCH FROM EXPERIMENTING WITH MAYO!
i thought i was the drunkest one there til some girl puked in the tip jar.
Good thing you didnt wake up last night. Wouldve found me naked talking to my closet asking to borrow my towel.
I had to take the fire extinguisher from him. He was just sitting on the floor petting it.
I think he offered to cook me dinner or cook me for dinner. Not really sure. Just smiled and nodded.
If he comes over tomorrow, im answering the door naked. Simple as that.
i want us to warm up up with us making out while i lay you down touching and feeling all the spots you know are going to get you warmed up. im gonna move down your body kissing every inch as i move down past your panty line ;)
Did you watch the carolina game tonight?
Well his dad was his wingman, so I had to fuck him. I didnt want his dad to think that he was doing a bad job and I was drunk enough to think he was doing a good job.
Score one for dad.
He barged in the room with no shirt on, all fucking ripped with a half keg under one arm. Sara now calls him Bronan the Beerbarian
LinkedIn just suggested I might know the guy I caught my wife fucking.
Drunk packed a lunch. Made two turkey sandwiches and threw in a bag of raw bacon. Gold star for the day drunk self.
Cleaning naked can be dangerous. Vacuum cord got stuck on my belly button ring...
It's probably not a good thing when it isn't even 6:30 and I've already drank an entire bottle of wine. By myself. I'm watching Spice World and I just bought 2 Spice Girls albums off itunes.
Make that 3 Spice Girls albums.
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