You came in at two thirty, wearing your underwear and a tie then asked where you could find a sombrero and a pair of stilletos that would fit your men's size thirteen feet.
As a side note, my abs are sore. Most likely cause? Orgasms. Thank you.
Literally been drinking for 10 hours. Hammered. Roasted chestnuts fell out of my shirt earlier.
I'm now at that point where it just feels natural to do a few shots of whisky with breakfast and then head to work
I wiped my blood on their walls screaming "IT'S NOT MY SECURITY DEPOSIT!"
Just woke up with my keys in one hand and cheesecake in the other.
Shared a jello shot with her mom last night. then she tucked me in and took of my shoes for me
Just a smidgen more estrogen and shed be golden
She's got a legit dose of dude going on
No kidding. All she needs is a cheek full of chewing tobacco and I'd have fucked John wayne.
When we were done making out, some guy ran into the room yelling, "I'll save you Brandon! I'll save you!"
It would only make sense that I'd cheat on him with his best friend on the ides of march...
The only explanation I can think of is that he still likes me. Which gives me an enormous amount of power over him and makes me laugh with malicious intent.
Hey, I'm renting a storage locker for the summer to keep all my bondage shit in so my parents don't see it. You wanna split on it for your all your weed shit?
I shit you not. I was sitting on Brian's balcony...still drunk from the night before, and a hummingbird flew onto the patio, stared me right in the face and flew away. I feel like it was God's way of telling me, "Stop drinking."
He has no idea he's waking up in slut palace tomorrow morning
We drunkenly built a couch fort and fucked in it. I've known her since preschool. This was every childhood fantasy mixed with adult dreams come true.
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