Dude this girl just said she'd take me to pleasure town while giving me head
Will Ferrell is probably jerking himself off somewhere wishing he was you
we sixty- nined on a tennis court.. not even drunk. you say insane. i say creative genius.
He was like a foghorn with a huge penis.
No she had like 2 shots and started ironing her clothes and whispering random shit in my ear
Rosemary is literally sitting on the ground holding on to the rug because she thinks she is going to fall if she lets go. We smoked way too much.
I figured it out. If I have at least 4 shots of vodka before I start my day, EVERY day will be a good day.
Drinking loves me for WHO I am
He snapchatted me the wine on the ceiling this morning
Kellie accidentally ran into the car with two teenagers making out. made a big thud. there was a loud scream and she was gone...haven't seen her since
My bank account got hacked so he showed up with a 6 pack wearing a superman cape to cheer me up and you question why I love him?
Thank you for letting me get drunk enough to forget he was there tonight, but not drunk enough to make a complete fool of myself.
Well, I was asked to leave the Waffle House for "being to physical" so I think that option is off the table
i want to platonically make out with them, platonically. in the back of this minivan
Of all the kinds of relationships I've had in my life, I'd have to say, lab-partner-with-benefits takes the fuckin cake
Maybe if I ever do become a counselor, I would just implement a kind of intensive meme therapy.
Randomize
