We can make salsa ya know, maybe even some hot sauce. That doesn't mean we're married.
your all-time low pick up line was when you asked a girl "Are you rock-staring at me?"
Mom wants to know why I'm bringing a blender back to college.... didn't have the heart to tell her she's paying a $20,000 tuition for us to make margaritas and sleep through class
She volunteers at a homeless shelter. You volunteered to drink 7 day expired milk for $3. No chance. Give up.
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Is it just me or did a policeman park your car last night?
Okay. I really need to get out of this guys bed and get home. It's two in the afternoon. He's not even HERE.
come back what if one of your parents walks in and im just sitting here eating a cheesesteak without you
I just threw up on the floor. And we're gonna fuck on the beer pong table, so keep everyone upstairs.
There is a pile of hair outside the apartment next door. At least now I know what all that shouting was about last night.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Who wants vodka and apple sauce
Now you know my pain. Live with it. Own it. Recognize it. Cause its like shitting napalm.
you can't tell me not to come to work cause roads are bad then ask me an hour later to come in and expect me to be sober
She has also never texted me first which I think might be a tell-tale sign she wants me to die alone.
He's got that kind of dick that just MAKES me cheat on my boyfriend. It deserves a trophy. Really you should give it ride sometime.
LOOK AT HOW SMOOTH THIS BITCH IS
Randomize