I just spent an hour correcting all the grammar and spelling of all the 2pac songs on my ipod
i just heard the ice cream truck outside while mid-masturbation. i stopped and considered running outside to buy one.
It was like my butthole was peeing. Felt comforting yet not fulfilling.
My cha cha got a haircut
thank god. going down on you was like chewing on astroturf
Fuck morning classes. Fuck early work. Fuck anything in the morning that doesn't involve sleeping, sex or bacon.
I was relieved after I found the unopened condom in my pocket. Then I found the open one in the other pocket..
Okay, lets just agree to keep all cutlery related activities to a minimum.
You act as if I'm the first person to pee in the Taco Bell drive thru at 2 AM, I'm sure a lot worse things have happen in that drive thru than my urine.
the intervention consisted of my aunt taking me to chuck-e-cheezs and telling me that this was my future - either as a mom or as a waitress - unless i stopped fucking around.
did she buy you pizza?
i would have fingered myself to death by now but the dog wont stop staring at me
Sometimes I actually rage on Tuesday, come back, and do homework drunk and pull an all nighter.
Thank you <3 he just looked at me, fist bumped me, and asked me what was on my titty....we may cut her off
I just watched two grown men tickle-fight. Just glorious. No words.
Uhh I just had to break up with a guy who I didn't even know I was dating...
I can barely operate my hands; what makes you think I can operate my dick
Randomize
