I told him I had my daily dose of vitamin c so i wouldn't blow him
i called my brother from the living room and paid him a dollar to turn off the light in my room. ive hit rock bottom
You gave the cab driver your pants as collateral while you ran in the house for money.
I am nonfunctional stoned. I had to ask ben to put me somewhere away from all the people I'm sitting on someones bed watching a wall. Not alright. Should not have come.
After a couple hours you decided you were going to walk home but ten minutes later you called and said you'd puked by the side of the road and you needed us to drive you to the art museum.
you picked up the vacuum cleaner at one point and said you we gonna beat the shit out of me with it. that was kinda funny
Seriously. We gorilla glued our hands together. Eating pizza last night was impossible.
I woke up to realize my keys were on the front porch. Also so was I. So close yet so far
I heard the bride mutter "I should have brought a fucking tranquilizer". I'm not at all surprised that you got banned from the bar afterwards.
He KNOWS ALL THE WORDS TO "JESUS IS MY FRIEND", I swear if he even tries to pull shit with me I'm becoming an actual nun.
p.s i need to stop drunk texting my mom. she brings up text convos all the time and i have no idea what shes talking about...
So, i might have left my morals back in 2011.
Well I typed "penicillin a" into the search engine and before I could finish "penicillin and drinking" popped up. Google knows me too well.
So your telling me I can lick your ass but you CAN'T spend my money
omg girl... i cut your hair last night. tell me it looks okay!? i saw hair on the counter and i said ohhh nooo
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