I was just curling my hair topless and I just burned my nipple. Ouch.
After they won there was a guy outside Magee Hospital yelling "name your kid Sidney"... that guy may or may not have been me.
I am choosing my outfit based on how fast I can get it off. Please help.
It had been so long since my last time that it was easily a double helping of stomach pancakes. I think she was mildly impressed.
I feel like somehow my uterus ended up in my ribcage from all the keg stands i did last night..
I suppose drinking a cosmo at lunch alone can't look good but I mean... sometimes it's just necessary
Apparently, his doctor was impressed with how well we took care of his leg. We're like the kings of naked triage.
On the one year anniversary of me loosing my virginity... thousands of people will be taking their pants of on subways all around the world
It's like a tribute to you being a slut
I'm convinced that college is the only place where one can have an existential crisis over what sweatpants to wear
Sometimes you gotta say "hey, its been a long semester. Let's puke before 10"
Think of it this way, instead of a puppy, we're getting a baby.
I'm holding onto the sink for dear life. Pretty sure if Iet go I'll turn into a shit propelled man rocket.
I think I just got propositioned for sex by the lady behind the counter at dunkin donuts
yeah I had to wear a fucking diaper from work home so I didn't get the shitty squirts all over my cars seats it was fucked
If you break up with me one more time it's over.
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