Dude you just kept yelling "She was my first asain!" right in front of her.
At a straight bar and poker face just came on...must...resist....urge to gay it up
Why would that come on at a straight bar? I thought they just played Don't Stop Believin and Wonderwall on repeat
please come get me his dick is out. i'm sitting on his couch and his dick is out. come now
I took a picture of his ID so i could remember how to spell his last name and facebook stalk him later...I think he saw me do it
I may be the first guy in history to get dome while watching An Extremely Goofy Movie.
therea a video of her dad walking in while i screamed "lets have a fashion show!" and fell off the table
I think I just snorted head and shoulders by mistake.
You threw a shot glass at the bartender and still managed to convince him to let us drink more. You are my hero.
Ask him to get me chedder bratwurst instead of the molly
Unless if you guys already left. Then I want the molly
Why was I drunk tweeting incorrect Beyonce lyrics last night?
Dude your life.. At your sugar daddies house sending nudes to your fwb
He asked me what I wanted for Christmas. I told him an orgasm would be nice.
He licked the buffalo sauce off my fingers and then we had the best sex of my life.
Her handjob consisted of slapping me in the balls. I am never hooking up with her ever again ever.
He has me blocked on facebook.... so I stalked him using my cats fan page.
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