you took a scissor and started screaming "I WANNA KNOW WHAT ITS LIKE TO BE BALD"
so what if he's got a new girlfriend. the guy i'm fucking has an english accent. i win.
I wonder if he just picks random boners to send or just the realy impressive ones
herpes texted me again. he says he wants my vagina.
ok we should really consider changing this guys nickname...
I almost itched my nose with the lit end of a cigarette. Help.
I just got my hands on some dry ice. How do you feel about coming home to a mystical wizard toilet?
After hearing her fall down in the shower for the third time, I decided to go check on her.
A particularly funny moment you may have missed; you walked in to the basement to announce that whoever was cooking sausages had left them on the grill for Hella long, only to be told that you were in fact the person grilling. At which point you just said, "the sausages are done" and walked out
Can we table this discussion? The roommate is out of town and I have to eat pie on the couch in my underwear.
Just text him and be like do you want this pussy or not. You have three seconds to respond.
We just broke up and deleting his dick pics is the hardest thing I've ever had to do.
We are best friends because we can vomit simultaneously in the same toilet and not care
Accent: check. Hot body: check. 8" dick: check. Feeds me biscuits in bed after rampant sex: check. Should I continue with my "Why I'm not coming back to the States" List?
She was talking about how a garden gnome was hitting on her the whole night. We thought she was just that high, but turned out the gnome was that guy in the weird hat.
Cockblock successful. That's for pouring nacho cheese on my flatscreen, asshole.
Randomize
