i just woke up i smell like fire, i have bruises on both knees and one elbow, i have a lighter and nip of smirnoff blueberry in my bed, rug burn on one hip and about 12 pics of you and me on my camera-this needs to stop happening
yea ive got to shower which is going to be painful given the skin burns from the blowup obstacle course races last night
we were taking shots of hot tequila, which is even worse than it sounds
I just tried to pee in a pad to see if it was like a diaper. it's not.
it will be a sad day when drinking racks of keystone isnt socially acceptable anymore
Ya know, years from now when that kid is old enough, I'll get to regale him with the story of how I was his father's AND uncle's first gay experience.
His mom told be she once got turned down for playboy. 1 biggest mistake Hugh made. 2 is she hitting on me?
Found myself carrying 2 bottles of .89 euro wine about half a mile to where im staying. and someone stopped me and spoke to english. apparently, i reek of drunk american.
Haha he was not a poor little guy. If he'd talked to me or something I might feel bad. But since I saw him groping other girls as well as myself there's no sympathy coming from me
He's just picking out the right girl. I do the same thing with fruit. Grope them, squeeze them, smell them. I have to know I'm getting quality fruit.
I smoked that joint really fast and now I'm so high I'm crawling around on all 4 giving my dogs piggie back rides pretending its the macy day parade for dogs and I'm their giant human float.
I just need to find a good handlebar mustache to sit on until I'm over that beard
Did we do drunk science last night? There's tequila in the test tubes...
I'm bringing pajamas, aspirin, morning after clothes and morning after pill
you took my virginity. you can't have my alcohol too.
Pooping in a box is not fun. You're not a cat.
Got a blowjob while watching James Bond's "Octopussy." My 13 year old self would be so proud
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