Would you object to my putting the bidet video on my Facebook page? It;s awesome.
This is the worst date ever. Pls kill me. No, wait, scratch that, stick to the original plan of killing Paris Hilton, I'll live though this
You should probably just propose to him the old fashioned way: sleep with him and get pregnant.
I think I might.. possibly.. like a Justin Bieber song.
I think you might... possibly... have sprouted a vagina.
I walked up to a girl in a bar, and all I was capable of doing was taking my beer and bumping it up to hers. While doing so, all I could say was "Bud Light". She walked away.
Bring my lunch to work in liquor store bags is doing nothing for my career
His penis was definitely too big to be the type that wants commitment. Shit.
Yes, do intervene. Unless it involves cowboys with loud trucks and hard 9 inch dicks. Then just come back for me in the morning.
Text me if you also stopped reading harry potter in the 4th grade and wanna go to the bars tonight instead of the midnight premiere
Horrible. I told her my girlfriend is in the hospital and she tried to give me a lapdance.
These shoes are way too nice for a walk of shame. Its how I keep myself in line.
I'm glad I get the same reaction from you for cookies and for my naked body
The weed is temporarily burning the grammar section of my brain library.
I guess "Ass Fun Friday" is not a thing no matter how many times I say it or bring it up in conversation...
I wish my nipples were as well behaved as yours.
Randomize
