last night some bitch put bruce along with his entire fishbowl in her purse and tried to leave. how drunk do you have to be to steal someone's pet??
There is a bruise on my cock the size of a golfball. Bad sign.
He always grinds on me and is like "This is awesome because we're both Catholic!"
There are dudes in kilts outside my window practicing fire breathing with cheap vodka and a modified grill lighter. I thought you should know.
i figure now that we're number one party school im obligated to black out at least 4 days a week. andddd go.
I'll be honest. I knew what I was getting into. I'm not proud, but I'll be damned if I'm ashamed. 6 month draught is over. That's justice.
It's one of those nights that you wish to god someone would booty call you, and then realize you'll just be stuck here with your poptart...
That point of drunk where you're in a bar bathroom and you're like "F*ck you bra! I'm not taking your sh*t anymore! and you take it off and throw it in a trashcan.
I'm offering you baseball tickets and my vagina, isn't that enough?
Good morning sunshine. Care to hear the riveting tale of Michelle and the Almost Great Night That Ended In An Early Morning of Karma Emptying It's Bowels On Her Guilty Shoulders?
I need a guy who can see in me what the lesbian community sees in me
I'm ready to run through the streets naked yelling "HES ALIVE!"
after the ketamine those signs on the bathroom door had little meaning to us
I feel like i'm being yelled at when you type in all caps.Did you just have bad sex?
Like at first he was barely doing anything. So I was like harder and then holy shit he's like going all HULK SMASH on my vagina. I mean it felt fucking awesome. BUT STILL
Randomize
