Today I realized that I've had whole drunk relationships with people. And sober me has and wants no part in it.
he just said he'd buy the porn
its a step up from the last guy
I'd love to come and give you a massage, but we already duck taped my keys to the ceiling...
We got a party bus for the nite. I found out the hard way why stripper poles are meant for girls.
and on the fourth day, god made foam parties.
I almost caused an explosion; It's okay though. because everyone would have died having a good time.
Somehow me showing up to/breaking into her house only to find I was a week early for the party became a night of weed cookies and sex.
whatever buzz i had immediately ended when i saw her run through a sliding glass door
There is a homeless man handing out free beer on the city bus. He has a cooler and everything. I love this trashy yet generous city.
Guess what happened to me today at work?
I have chlamydia. What happened.
Oh lets talk about your news first. Mine is happy so it should go second.
I don't trust myself to shower and not drown.
Because everytime she talks to you she goes in her room and plays Come Sail Away on repeat. Can't take this shit anymore Jake
You know, part of me wants to die and the other part of me doesn't want to live
That moment during finals day when you either convince your teacher to let you out of the room or you shit you pants.
Who wants to play the "pick up your shit from our floor because you're not paying rent or dating either of us" game?
Randomize
